Comparison in Homeschooling: A Shared Experience (The Grass is Always Greener…)

Comparison in homeschooling is something I have experienced often since embarking on this journey eight years ago. Whether we are comparing our children’s academic or social abilities to that of other children (be they homeschooled or not,) comparing ourselves and our abilities as homeschool mothers, or are the unwitting subject of other people’s comparisons; it seems that there is little relief from the at times overwhelming concern of whether or not we are doing it as well as the next mom.

The opportunity to compare is exacerbated by our accessibility to others homes and homeschools via the internet and social media. Homeschooling mothers in the digital age have been blessed with access to so many incredible resources. Social media as one example has been a wonderful way for homeschooling families to connect and can be a wealth of information, inspiration, humor, and encouragement. That said, this level of access can also be detrimental.

Comparison In Homeschooling: A Destructive Practice

I have read countless posts and been part of many conversations wherein hardworking homeschool moms are sharing their feelings of inadequacy, lamenting their frustrations, and battling with discontent spirits.

With the increased accessibility to others’ homes and homeschools along with influencer culture, it is quite easy to get pulled into the pit of comparison. We view the perceived successes or failures of others, their aesthetic appeal or lack thereof, and from there we determine our position in the homeschool (or general life) hierarchy. However, these are not the metrics by which we should be measuring ourselves or others.

We can certainly glean wisdom and inspiration from the lives and experiences of other homeschooling families but we must be prayerful in our application of this wisdom and inspiration to our own families.

Coveting: The Consequence of Comparison in Homeschooling

The compulsion to compare and ultimately in many cases to covet is not exclusive to homeschool moms, this struggle has been a part of the human experience since the fall of man. Exodus 20:17 (which also happens to be the 10th commandment) says:  “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male or female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.”

I am sympathetic to the fact that a lot has changed since this instruction was written. We have so many more opportunities to compare in the modern age, regardless God’s Word still applies.

Social media platforms are defined as “interactive technologies that facilitate the creation, sharing and aggregation of content, ideas, interests, and other forms of expression through virtual communities and networks.”

It is not the platform or the mechanism itself that is the “problem” per se but rather our application, integration, internalization, valuation and at times our idolization of the content we are consuming.

Comparison in Homeschooling: The Thief of Joy

We have all heard it said that “comparison is the thief of joy,” and I would agree that it is one of many thieves. Hearts that are consumed by lack or by pride cannot simultaneously be consumed by gratitude. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says to: “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

The accomplishments, acquisitions, and accolades around which we construct so much of our identity and determine so much of our value (or lack thereof) are as fleeting as the wind.

It is not to say that what we do is unimportant or that it does not have impact but it is imperative that we mind our minds; taking our thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5) and posturing our hearts towards the One who cannot be compared and who is the true source of our contentment.

Comparison in Homeschooling: Run Your Own Race

Last winter, the children and I enjoyed learning about the Iditarod, the annual dogsled race in Alaska. It was a fun way to cover the geography, history, science, culture, and climate of the Arctic region as well.

Each lesson I included scripture. Week one, I shared Hebrews 12:1 which says: “Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.”

I love the powerful imagery this verse provides. I consider our cloud of witnesses in Heaven, those who have gone before us and who persevered faithfully despite difficult circumstances.

I appreciate the distinction between weight and sin in this verse. Speaking for myself, there have been times in which I have excused certain hindrances in my own walk with the Lord because while they created some disruption or distraction, they were not overtly sinful.

We may view comparison in homeschooling in this way; as simply innocuous observations. That said, in my experience comparison is often a catalyst for sin which we are instructed to cast aside if we are to run our individual races well.

Comparison in Homeschooling: Keep Your Eyes on the Prize

The weight of envy, bitterness, and pride which are often the results of comparison in homeschooling and elsewhere are impediments to our spiritual development and to our growth in every area of life. Rather than looking elsewhere, we must keep our gaze set on the horizon.

With greater accessibility comes greater responsibility. This requires self discipline and a determined focus on the reward which cannot be taken from us, the imperishable wreath (1 Corinthians 9:25.)

The Lord can certainly use others to convict us but with conviction comes a changed heart. If we are stewing in negative emotions which do not lead to repentance and refinement then we can be certain we have gotten off track.

Our sovereign God has appointed each of our unique courses. Understanding this we should “Run in such a way that we may win” (1 Cor 9:24) with our eyes fixed on the prize; the only treasure that matters (Matthew 6:20) and on the only One in whom we should ever boast (Galatians 6:14.)

Comparison in Homeschooling: How to Avoid it

How do you avoid the falling into the pit of comparison in homeschooling? For me, being firmly rooted in God’s Word helps tremendously. In addition to that, I find reading books or listening to podcasts by other Bible believing homeschool moms to be so helpful. Here is a booklist for the homeschool mama which I created for the blog.

While I certainly find a lot of commonality with these authors, what is obvious to me through the reading of these books is that each of our homeschooling journeys are truly unique and therefore cannot be compared.

I pray this was an encouragement to you. I have felt the sting of comparison in homeschooling and it’s not pleasant. Motherhood is such a tender and vulnerable experience. We are so invested in our children and care so deeply for every facet of their wellbeing but we must always remember that God’s plans are greater.

Proverbs 19:21 reminds us, “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”

By focusing on this truth and trusting God’s plans above our own, we can overcome the temptation of comparison in homeschooling and otherwise.