In today’s post, Cracked Cisterns: A People Pleasing Journey From Grit to Grace we’ll explore Jeremiah 2:13, which warns us against turning to broken wells that can never truly satisfy. When it comes to people pleasing, we often unknowingly engage in a form of idolatry, trying to draw from and pour out to others what only the Lord can provide, the source of Living Water. This reflection invites you to discover the freedom found in resting fully in God’s provision rather than striving to carry burdens that aren’t ours to bear.

Carry Your Own Water:

Growing up, I often heard the phrase; “Carry your own water.” It was meant to teach responsibility, and perhaps in some ways it did. But somewhere along the way, I internalized a different message: that I am on my own and my burdens are mine to carry. There was no space for repentance in that message: no room for grace, just grit.

And grit though praised, is a poor substitute for God.

For much of my life, I’ve attempted to draw from cracked cisterns: people pleasing, self-sufficiency, and striving for affirmation. I carried burdens that weren’t mine to carry. I worked hard to stay in others’ good graces instead of resting in God’s. I poured myself out for approval, hoping to be filled in return, but I was never truly replenished. The more I gave, the more hollow and exhausted I often felt.

And yet… the Lord in His compassion, interrupted my striving with an invitation to be truly filled.

For my people have committed two evils: they have forsaken me, the fountain of living waters, and hewed out cisterns for themselves, broken cisterns that can hold no water. – Jeremiah 2:13

This verse feels like a mirror to the soul. How often have we done just that? We build identities out of fear, out of the need to be accepted, out of the belief that if we just try hard enough, we can hold everything together. We construct systems to carry our worth, to make sense of our pain, to feel in control. And for a time, they might seem to hold.

But eventually, the strain shows. What once seemed strong begins to fracture. No matter how much we pour in, it doesn’t remain. There’s no lasting fullness.

And sometimes it’s not just what we build, it’s who we try to become. We try to be the source of peace, joy, and stability for others. We confuse love with control, service with striving, and faithfulness with fixing. But even in our call to lay down our lives, we are not called to be anyone’s savior. That role belongs to Christ alone. Our sacrifice is meant to point to Him, not replace Him.

“Apart from Me, you can do nothing.” (John 15:5)

When we try to be the source of healing, peace, or transformation for others, we step into a burden we were never meant to carry.

Idolatry Disguised as Service: People Pleasing

People pleasing, perfectionism, and the drive to hold everything together can be forms of idolatry. Not because our intentions are wrong, but because they shift our dependence away from God and toward ourselves. We tell ourselves we’re serving others or even glorifying God but sometimes, without realizing it, we’re building our identity on being essential, capable, or approved of. It becomes less about loving others freely, and more about being needed. Instead of flowing from God’s love, our service becomes a way to secure our worth.

A true servant’s heart looks different. It is rooted in humility, not performance. It flows out of being filled by God, not drained by expectations. We are called to pour out, but only after being poured into.

“Jesus often withdrew to desolate places and prayed.” (Luke 5:16)

Jesus’s ministry wasn’t powered by constant motion, but by regular communion with the Father. He modeled rest. He created margin. He didn’t meet every need, heal every wound, or answer every request. And yet He fulfilled His mission completely.

Even in the very beginning, God showed us the rhythm of work and rest.

“And on the seventh day God finished his work that he had done, and he rested on the seventh day from all his work that he had done.” (Genesis 2:2)

The Roots of People Pleasing: Seeking Safety from Childhood Wounds

For many of us, these patterns started early. Maybe you grew up believing that love had to be earned. Maybe you were met with instability, criticism, or emotional distance. Over time, the message became clear: “if I don’t hold it together, no one else will. If I do not perform, I am not worthy of love.“

We learned to carry our own water, to be self-sufficient, and to seek safety in performance and control. We tried to be good enough, helpful enough, needed enough; just to feel safe.

But the safety we were reaching for is a mirage. The things we do to protect ourselves often end up binding us. We miss the rest and love God freely offers, because we’re too busy trying to hold that which does not belong to us.

During my cancer treatment: I felt completely poured out, emptied of strength, and unable to fill my own cup. It became clear to me just how incapable I was of sustaining myself, how much I had been relying on my own productivity and efforts for my sense of worth. But in that emptiness, I discovered the necessity of abiding in the fountain of Living Water: Jesus Himself.

Just as I reflected in my post, Sitting At The Feet of Jesus- Why Productivity (In The Way We Typically Define It) Isn’t Always The “Better Thing” In Our Homes and Homeschools. it’s not in what we do that our value is found, but in resting and abiding in God, even when our bodies and spirits feel drained. It’s in that abiding place that true life flows and sustains us beyond anything we could ever pour out.

Being Wise and Discerning in Service:

To avoid slipping into idolatry masked as service, we need discernment. God does call us to serve, but not at the expense of our own relationship with Him.

Ask yourself:

• Am I serving from a place of overflow, or am I running on empty?

• Am I people pleasing, or is this something God has actually asked of me?

• Is my motivation approval, or is it love and obedience?

• Am I remembering that Christ is the source and not me?

“The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.” (Psalm 16:6)

Boundaries are a grace. They are a sign of wisdom, not selfishness. We live more faithfully when we live within the boundaries God has given us. More on Spiritual Margin and The Grace of Boundaries, here.

Reflection:

Take a moment to pause.

Where have you confused people pleasing with love?

Where have you taken on responsibilities that were never yours to carry?

Where are you trying to be the source of something that only God can provide?

Ask the Lord to reveal where you’ve been drawing from broken cisterns. Let Him lead you back to the spring of Living Water.

Prayer:

Lord,

Thank You for being the spring of Living Water. The only source that can truly satisfy.

I confess the ways I’ve relied on myself instead of You. The times I’ve tried to earn love, carry others’ burdens, or meet needs You never asked me to meet.

Forgive me for serving from emptiness instead of overflow. Help me recognize the difference between striving and surrender, between self-sacrifice and self-reliance.

Fill me with Your love, Your truth, and Your peace. Remind me that I am not the savior, You are. Let my service reflect Your heart, not replace it. Teach me to live within the good boundaries You’ve given, and to rest in the grace You freely offer.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen.

I pray this was a blessing to you. This post was a vulnerable one to write, but God has been so faithful to gently reveal and continually free me from the idolatry of people pleasing. There is no condemnation, only a steady unfolding of liberation that comes through the renewal of the mind. I’m deeply grateful for His patience and faithful leading.