As I revealed in my last blog post, I was diagnosed with Colon Cancer in November of 2022. I have endured two surgeries, a battery of test and appointments and have completed eight of my twelve chemotherapy treatments to date. 

To say this has been a period of difficulty would be an understatement. There are simply no words to sufficiently express the immense mental, physical, and emotional toll a cancer diagnosis takes on a person and their family. It has all been unfathomably hard, much harder than I ever anticipated.

I was honestly a bit naive about just how harsh the side effects of chemotherapy would be. Some do manage these side effects quite well but, unfortunately for me I have been very sick at times.

In addition to not feeling well, the guilt of being unable to do much of anything was really weighing on me mentally and emotionally. While I am lucky to have support, it was really hard for me to “let go and let others.”

We Are Not Defined By What We Do:

Prior to my diagnosis I buzzed around like a worker bee from the moment I popped out of bed until late into the evening. I was always doing something (often more than one thing -because moms multitask) and I very much enjoyed this hustle most days. 

I’m a person who finds great purpose and meaning in caring for my family so when the ability to keep up with things in the way I usually do came to a screeching halt, it really shook me.  Being completely transparent,  I began to slip into a bit of a depression over these feelings of purposelessness which in turn became feelings of unworthiness and I really questioned my value. 

Thankfully, I have the Living Word of God, prayer, therapy, and family and friends to help me navigate these emotions.  Without my faith and the guidance and support of those whom God has placed in my path, I would be lost. 

While the human capacity to endure is incredible, truly I could not do any of this in my own strength and that is both liberating and humbling. 

2 Corinthians 12:9 says: But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

The Story of Mary and Martha:

As I lay in bed one afternoon, meditating on this verse; I realized that while I was unable to preform or to move physically at the level that I could before, God was (and still is) moving.  He never stops working for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28.)

I do believe that mothering and homeschooling is kingdom work, through which we are sanctified; Saint Teresa of Avila said: “Christ has no body on earth but yours, no hands but yours, no feet but yours. Yours are the eyes through which Christ’s compassion for the world is to look out; yours are the feet with which He is to go about doing good; and yours are the hands with which He is to bless us now.”

The work we are doing in our homes and homeschools is sanctifying and important and can be a reflection of our Savior’s goodness. That said, we are also sanctified in the stillness: As an example; in the story of Mary and Martha which can be found in Chapter Ten in the Gospel of Luke, Jesus comes to visit the home of these two sisters. While Martha labors about serving Jesus, Mary sits at His feet. At one point Martha ask Jesus whether or not He cares that Mary has left her to do all of this work on her own; Jesus replies “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the better thing which will not be taken away from her” Luke 10:41-42. 

The Lord understands our many responsibilities as wives, mothers, homemakers, and homeschoolers. Many days prayer and worship happen over a sink full of dishes, an overflowing basket of laundry, a child with a fever, or a meal cooking on the stove. 

Mary and Martha were both serving the Lord. He didn’t tell Martha that she had done anything bad per say, just that Mary had chosen the better thing, the thing that could not be taken from her. 

Our Primary Responsibility as Christian Parents:

As mothers and homeschoolers we must constantly be making the distinction between worldly standards and Godly standards, ensuring that our drive to be hyper productive is not keeping us and our families from the better thing. 

We can evaluate from where that compulsion comes and petition God to help us through it, always remembering that when we labor, we do so for Him and His glory. Colossians 3:23-24.

While we have an incredible amount of responsibility in caring for our children, our husbands, our homes and our homeschools; our primary responsibility as Christian parents is to bring up our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4.) We do this in part by teaching them how to serve but also by showing them how to be truly present with our Heavenly Father and modeling faithfulness even in the midst of our trials.

Sanctification and The Gift of Endurance:

I see how hard mothers are working to steward well that which they’ve been given and this is a noble and beautiful thing; but shepherding hearts and pointing souls towards Jesus is the better thing and that takes presence, intentionality, and time. 

I am grateful for the moments I’ve had with God, even in the depths of the pit on my knees praying for relief. I’m grateful for the deep theological conversations I’ve had with my children regarding our enduring faith as we weather this storm. 

We may not be checking as many boxes these days but, we are checking the one that really matters. 

I know this is a bit more on the personal side but, I felt led to share this revelation with you because ultimately whether it’s bringing home babies, experiencing health issues, dealing with grief,  or being tasked with caring for a loved one in need, we will all have seasons wherein we are simply unable to keep up the pace that we once did and I would like to encourage you that this is ok.

Your value does not lie in how much you are able to produce,  there is beauty and sanctification to be found in idleness. As I said, we must remember that even when we aren’t moving, God is. 

James 1:2-4 says: Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

What I Have Learned:

If I have learned anything, it is that life is quite unpredictable. Even once I am over this hurdle, God willing; there will undoubtably be other trials. How do I prepare myself and my children? I am not proposing that academics are unimportant but I do believe, especially as a result of my current situation, that the building of endurance and the strengthening of our children’s character will be of great assistance to them in their educational endeavors and in all other areas of their lives, so it’s important we allow space for that.

When our days are overflowing with household responsibilities, homeschooling, and activities it can be really difficult to take the time to be present with God.

Some seasons homeschooling looks very much like checking boxes and moving through curriculum at a steady clip, others it looks like slowing down and drawing into one another and closer to God and listening for that still small voice from whom true wisdom comes. Time with the Lord is never wasted and His word does not return void (Isaiah 55:11.)

Encouragement for the Weary Heart:

I would love to share one more scripture which has been such a comfort for me. Knowing there are seasons to all things and that His plans are good (even when I can’t understand them) gives me such peace. I hope this will encourage you as well.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-11 says:

For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest. A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance. A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones. A time to embrace and a time to turn away. A time to search and a time to quit searching. A time to keep and a time to throw away. A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak. A time to love and a time to hate. A time for war and a time for peace. What do people really get for all their hard work? I have seen the burden God has placed on us all. Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.

Bless you all, sweet mamas! Should any of you need prayer, please feel free to comment below. I would love to pray for you and I appreciate any and all prayers for me and my family.